10/18/2007 Entry: "two prostitutes two beating hearts"

TWO PROSTITUTES. TWO BEATING HEARTS.

Last night we pulled into Atlanta at around 4a.m. to crash at a hotel
before driving on to South Carolina. This morning started out as a
typical day on the road. It was my driving shift and I reluctantly
took my place behind the wheel.

As I pulled out of our hotel i passed two prostitutes. One had just
exited the hotel and the other was a few strides ahead, walking down
the sidewalk. I wondered how heavy her steps must be..They were only
about 18-20 years old...

At first it caught me off guard but then it hit me that I should stop
and talk to them. I coasted to the stop sign, just trying to make up
my mind...then i wrestled with thoughts like,, "What would i say? How
would I approach them? Etc"

I sat at the stop sign for what seemed like an eternity... I asked
marcus which way to turn again, even though i already knew...I was
just buying time..

Then i made my decision...i turned the steering wheel and pressed on
the gas.

It was merely seconds and they were gone now out of sight, no longer a
visual part of my world...but they were far from plaguing my mind...

The guys are asleep in the back so the usual distractions and
conversations that decorate a driving shift are absent. My mind is
left to drive me back to that hotel ...

30 miles away and I can still see their faces...

Some might say dont beat yourself up, theyre too far gone, probably
strung out...they wouldnt listen...

But Ive been thinking...
Every touch..how tragic...Every single time that they r
touched....they r being used...everytime

They don't even know the innocence of a hug...to have someone look
them in the eye ... They dont know what it feels like to have someone
pull them close to make them feel safe...when was the last time
someone talked to them and didn't take the air from their lungs? How
long has it been since they have felt that ? have they ever felt
love's embrace ever ?

My regret is... I could have interrupted their routine, even if only
for a few minutes ... My words, no matter how inadequate, could have
lit their path ... Maybe for the first time ever...they could have
looked in my eyes and seen Hope...this is my regret... I hesitated but
why? Now its too late...they were so young...I could have...I should
have...

40 miles away still cant erase their face.. Next time I won't think
twice....

Replies: 12 comments

hey sara it's phoenici's sis, this is very touching, i e-mailed you about it cause i had alot more to say and i needed your advice on something too. but just wanted to let you know i did, incase you need my e-mail it's firestorm_five@hotmail.com

Posted by tamara @ 10/30/2007 03:30 PM CST

i think kirsty is a sara mini me LOL..you both think alike..i like the way yall think and view things..its like yalls mind is a poetry book...beautiful just beautiful!

AK

Posted by Amanda Kate @ 10/29/2007 06:48 PM CST

yea lonliness i a horrible horrible feeling...it sux majorly...

sara just use it as a learning experience so that you will be prepared for the next time..its hard being in your position...its like you always have to do the right thing and even when you feel its right, it could be wrong...its tuff being a role model..but my friend, you do an excellent job at it...i wish everyone could be as sweet and real and genuine as you :) love you girly!!

Amanda Kate

Posted by Amanda Kate @ 10/29/2007 06:45 PM CST

haha well i didn't exactly mean about the prostitute. I have Revolution and Angel is an awesome song!
What I meant was maybe a song about we christians walking away, passing up the best chances of changing a life just b/c we're scared... idk maybe you already have a song about that too. if you do then I'll write my own, how bout that?

Blessed Be,
~Allie~

Posted by Allie @ 10/26/2007 07:20 PM CST

allie- yep, we just gotta learn and pray for them! yep we have a song about a prostitute on Revolution. it's called ANGEL! i actually hung out with her a while and my friend and i put her on a bus to find a better life..long story, but very cool...

kirsty- i want to come visit you! i want to just sit down and have coffee and talk about all these things! one day, one day! :)

leanna-dude...lonliness is a horrible feeling, but yes maam, like i keep repeating...we learn :)

jeffrey-thanks man for all the support and the late nite gas station band signing extravaganza!
keep the faith.!!

sky-thanks so much! yes, we live and learn :)

rafi-yeah, that story is kick butt! i wish i could have been there when jesus was like...oh really? can u imagine the god of heaven who can read your heart saying that to you? "..cast the first stone..." dang! crazy moment!!!

Posted by sara delight @ 10/26/2007 12:36 PM CST

Hea that was a very powerfull story.See I meet you at shout fest,in Beaufort S.C
Remember my band member and I waited out side of a gas station,and I got you guys to sign my drum stick's.Once agin that was very powerfull story.
I want to thank you and the band for letting Christ move in your ministery.Thanks agin......Jeffrey

Posted by Jeffrey H @ 10/23/2007 06:05 AM CST

Hey, Sara -- I know the feeling. I've done the same thing several times, and it kicks you for quite a while afterwards. I think my naturally shy nature affects me in those situations, but then there are the other times that I manage to overcome it. You'll definitely have another chance, sister. Press on and be encouraged!

Posted by Sky @ 10/22/2007 10:53 PM CST

sounds like a song in the making.

I so know how you feel. I was at the store about three months ago, and I thought I felt God telling me to give an employee there this gospel tract I had with me.
I hesitated, made my desicion, and walked out the door.
Later I found out from a friend who works there that she was a wiccan who had started to question everything about her faith. She was ready for a seed of Christianity to be planted, but I walked away.
I went back to try and give it to her, but she had quit the night before. I never saw her again.

My heart hurts for her still, and right now it hurts for both you and those two prostitutes. I really do think you should write a song about it, it would touch many hearts.

I'm praying for you and them!!!
<3 you!!!

JESUS ROX
~Allie~

Posted by Allie @ 10/21/2007 05:21 PM CST

oh i know. i HATE that feeling. i can't stand knowing that i could have spoken words of hope but was too lazy, or too busy to care about someone else. that one where you know you could have made a difference but passed it up. i hate to say it but that happens to memore often than not. but i'm thanksful when it does. =] next to loneliness, i think it's the worst feeling in the world.its great that you get those chances though, although you may let a few slip by, think of all the ones you do take and all the lives you let God work through you in.

and what makes me upset is that everyone else is so pompous they probably wouldn't even give those 2 girls the time of day because they view them as worthless nobodies, just someone to use and pay off. it's pathetic. when really, those girls are probably more humble and more realistic than those who think they are better than them. our society needs to be altared drastically and have more of a compassion for those who need it.

Posted by leanna @ 10/20/2007 07:16 PM CST

thats very touching if only people would just reach out like you sara we all should.

Posted by phoenicia @ 10/20/2007 02:54 PM CST

Oh wow!

I know the feeling! I walk by girls like this in our neighborhood and all I can do is stare wishing it could change. I've often asked God to give me His heart for them, but honestly I don't know if I could take that. Sometimes all I can do is focus on wanting things to change and 'the kingdom to come on earth as in heaven', but I don't see it, and it makes me sad. I think God has been showing me the beauty of just being there, praying, the fact you hold them in your heart, it all matters. Sometimes it feels like all we can do is just be present. I find that hard because I want to see healing right there and then too much.

Then within a minute of my staring, I can easily end up staring at myself and seeing such a need for the kingdom to come in my life, and God actually is pursuing to be just present with me.

Its soooo frustrating at times though... Thanks for sharing, this is just what I needed to remind me of some things!

Peace
Kirsty

Posted by Kirsty @ 10/20/2007 12:41 AM CST

Wow, that's really touching, and to think how anyone else would view them.

And when I read your story here, I can't help but think of the story in the Bible of the woman caught in the act of adultery about to be stoned, and Jesus said, "Let him who is without sin, cast the first stone." It's amazing how we can have a picture in our mine about how someone is, and not stop to think about who they really are.

Posted by Rafi @ 10/18/2007 08:49 PM CST