09/23/2008 Entry: "writing"

I flew back to my grandmas since power is still out back home. So, I came to Hastings to do some reading and writing! I have a renewed love for writing, and have even written a short fiction story. It's weird. I have never found myself composing anything like this before, but it just happened. Maybe I will share my first story with you soon! :) Its a mix of fantasy and reality. It's cool because it was a real life encounter that became my inspiration.

It's nuts though, I feel like I'm in such a learning phase. I know we learn new things every day, but this is a different kind of season for me. It's crazy! It's like some of the things I've heard all my life are becoming TRUTH to me personally. It's exciting because "the truth will set you free" and lately I feel I've kissed freedom, as if it was the very first time.

I can't say that I've been this happy for quite a while. Sure, I've enjoyed MANY "moments" of happiness, but there is a big difference in being truly happy at your core, in your soul, and experiencing the outward highs of life. So, I just find myself writing everyday about everything. Maybe I will release a book in the next few months...We'll see...

I thought I'd share something in hopes that it will give you faith if you've lost yours. Today I was reading in my own personal journal, the one I don't let anyone read :) Every page seemed to repeat itself. I was empty. The cool part about it is that when you REALLY "seek, you will find"..which is where I am today...I have found light. So, if you are anywhere close to what I wrote below, continue seeking God, and He WILL breathe in your lungs. You will live again.

1/9/08

Dear God,

"I haven't written in so long. Lately I've avoided it all together, simply because I am tired of writing dark thoughts...maybe I'm blind..I am so lost, without direction...The worst part is that I feel misplaced, even in my own words. Here I am again, saying what I always say, but then again, it's different isn't it? Usually, there is something, even if it's a tiny spec of light in my heart that drives me onward. Today, there is nothing...I beg you, please reach down and tug at my heart, pull me, move me, call me, interrupt my thoughts...anything!!!!! All I know is that I need you. I have nothing without you...I simply exist. You are my sanity...help me to live again..Please...

I wrote all of this sitting beneath the open sky..I hope you will look down and read it now. Should I hold it up to the sky? Would you read it then? Oh, I almost forgot...you can see through my eyes...:) "

Ps. 13:5 "I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation"

Ps 51:17 "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise"

Ezekiel 11:19 "I will put a new spirit within you; and I will take the stony heart out of their flesh, and will give them an heart of flesh"

LOVE.saradelight*

Replies: 6 comments

GOD IS!!! AND THANK YOU FOR "CONTINUING" ON .....REGARDLESS...KEEP PRESSING IN LITTLE SISTER IN CHRIST. YOU ARE INSPIRING SO MANY OF US TO "BE STEADFAST AND UNMOVEABLE"...YOU NEED TO PUT YOUR THOUGHTS TOGETHER IN A BOOK .... THE WORLD IS WAITING.....love you. patricia

Posted by patricia @ 10/08/2008 02:56 PM CST

lindz-lindz-

I can only speak from my own experiences, and what I have found to be in true in my own life...so here goes :)

When I read over those pages of my journal I had to ask myself was I "really" seeking? I wondered if I had become so closely acquainted with disappointment that our friendship literally blinded me from seeing anything else. I mean let's be honest...when life continually repeats the same scenario, you don't really expect much different. You learn how to survive without. Then when things might have changed, the focus has shifted so drastically that you only see black.

You know how it feels good to listen to a sad song sometimes? Well it is somewhat the same. We sometimes grow accustomed to those screwed up emotional roller coasters. It's not that we really enjoy them, but they're familiar. One of the things that set me free was letting go...letting go of past hurts, and unforgiveness.

When I let go, I IMMEDIATELY got my heart back. I hadn't realized I had even lost it. I realized that I had allowed certain situations to suck the life out of me. Now, no one can define the outcome of my day, but me! No matter how many people step in my path and spew out their bitterness on me, they cannot steal my joy...it is God given! They cannot cheat me out of fulfilling my destiny. There are a lot bitter people in this world, and they will attempt to contaminate the rest of us.

Sure, they may be able to take a lot of things from us in this life, (success, temporal things) but they cannot have our hearts unless we surrender them freely!

"They" can be people, destructive thoughts, false realities...anything. For me, I am free! I let go and it was one of the coolest experiences I've EVER had in my life! I now have a fresh perspective every day! Now, I expect change. Now, I can see what God is really doing! Now I can see God. My faith is renewed and my sight is no longer based on the temporal...it's a cool place to be...I never want to leave...

Posted by sara delight @ 09/25/2008 06:52 PM CST

wow...that was powerful. and you went to Hastings??? I would go there all the time with my family when I was little and lived in San Angelo. There was a smaller older one, now they made one with a cafe and it is like 10 times bigger. Here in San Antonio there is none, so when we moved here about 5 years ago we were kinda sad.

Posted by bethanie @ 09/25/2008 05:05 PM CST

gotta say i needed this. i can really relate to experiencing just "highs" of happiness...i want the real thing...now I know how to get it. Thanks Sara!

Posted by melody <3 @ 09/24/2008 02:20 PM CST

I so needed to hear this! Your blog today encouraged me greatly.

Posted by Ashley @ 09/24/2008 12:01 AM CST

this is encouraging and heartbreaking all at once.

does the light REALLY come? the breath? how much pain and brokenness does there have to be before He makes it stop?

so many thoughts. not enough words.

but i love you. and thank you for posting a piece of your heart. i needed it.

Posted by lindz @ 09/23/2008 11:53 PM CST